Love

If two people want to be together, both parties will make that evident. If two people want are in love, they will seem inseparable, because their hearts are magnetised. If two individuals meet and there is instant chemistry, it is because there are energies and powers of attraction beyond our capacity to understand. We can surely feel something, usually intuitively, with out realising it at first glance. Take a few steps back, for a fuller view. You will see that there are different reasons why we chose the lovers and companions that we do. Each 'love' is unique in it's own right. There are never two loves the same. Even the love that the two people share. Feelings may be mutual, but the experience shared by both is unique to themselves. Only they can feel their love. That is why sometimes people find it hard to believe they are loved or could ever be, since they cannot feel it, only judge it's truth from the words and actions of the other. Perhaps the individual has never loved any one themself. May be they do not love themselves, as this is said to be the initial path to finding love. You must be comfortable in yourself and happy in your own life, before inviting some body else into it.

I say this because, although I am no expert, I consider myself to have encountered many beautiful, yet tragic, escapades in love.

It may not have always been 'true' love though. Not the unconditional love I feel towards family, or old friends, in the event that, God forbid, any thing happened to any of them, at the shot of a bullet, I'd be there. It doesn't matter about the past, no matter how trialling that partnership had been, or whether my relationships with family had frayed, if that person was fragile and needed my support, I'd be right there. Unconditional love is selfless, it is forgiving, it is kind, it is being happy for their happiness and their successes. If this particular 'love' makes you feel anxious, belittled, uneasy and foolish, then it is best to leave it to rest. Some relationships are like broken mirrors, it might be better to leave the pieces be than hurt yourself more trying to pick them up. There is also lust. In the beginning you think it is 'love at first sight' then with some weeks, months or sometimes years, the fire fizzles out, and strangely, you realise that the feelings you had towards that person were merely an illusion of sexual attraction. It is painful to discover, the time and emotions you invested into that person were based on superficial beliefs. With maturity and life experience, you begin to understand, what real love is about.

I was having a conversation with my friend over coffee this afternoon, and I told her about my recent revelation, that the concept of "The One" is sadly a commercial manipulation tactic. It warps peoples perspective of love, they hope that 'someone' is going to come into their lives and 'complete' them, when the reality is one needs to be whole in the first place, all the pieces are there to work with, it's just using those qualities to their full potential and efficiently to create a wonderful life to one day invite a special companion into. On the contrary, there are stories of people who stumble upon each other on their darkest days, however I would call this empathy rather than love, since it's simply a shared experience or situation that both can try to encourage each other to smile through... ? 

I digress. I hold close to the idea that there are numerous compatible people for us all over the world. It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves first, apres ca, we can involve new lovers to learn and enjoy lifes journey together. In the mean time, nurture precious friendships, these people will most likely still be around after the rise and fall of your romantic relationship. The game of love is an unsteady one, it is not a bed of roses, a la the movies.

Trial and error. Know yourself before getting to know any one else. In the end, you only have you. You may be reading this now, alone, wondering when you're going to be happy, when you're going to end this solitude, when are you going to find some one? A lot of music and media endorses the image of "can't live with out another somebody" [insert generic song lyrics here] Media are notorious for selling sex and popularity and making you feel like shit for just floating around trying your best all the fucking time. Sometimes you just feel like it isn't enough and that you need somebody, when you only need yourself really. Be self reliant.

People are fickle, unreliable, untrustworthy, selfish, passive, wandering through this life, as clueless as you are.

When another person does come along, and you just seem to get on and you don't have any hesitation, I say thank you to my angels and pursue the friendship, if love blossoms, you just know in good time. Always guard your heart. Don't give it away easily, words are cheap. If a person truly cares about you, they will remain in your life not because they want something from you, but because they have your own interest in mind. For example, if you are passionate about music, they would celebrate your progress if you were to start a band or start writing music (just an EXAMPLE)

If someone loves you, they make you feel safe. They let you know that they are always there for you. They make you smile and laugh. They compliment you for your personal quirks. They admire you because you are real, accepting of your flaws and that you may have different views on certain matters. All the same, this person will show they care for you in any circumstances. They will go out of there own boundaries to make life easier for you. If that means staying up on the phone to you late at night after you had a bad day even though they have work in the morning.,, they will, because they love you.

They want to see you as often as possible, they may surprise you in ways you've never imagined. It is not always the predictable, conventional or expected romantic gestures. Yes I am continuing to write about romantic love. It would seem my entire life, has been based on this type of love. Unfortunately, it steered away from friendship and family, which is what inspired me to write this on my blog. It doesn't matter is nobody reads it, at least I have it here to refer back to, when I fuck up again. Anyway.

We all want to find someone. Someone we click with. Someone we can't imagine being with out. Someone who reflects us. People are like mirrors, they reflect us. Sorry this is all just getting a bit too corny for me but, it's my guilty pleasure. Tangeant. I love music. It is possible to love some thing, at least that won't leave you. Suppose it's unchanging, I mean, you find an album or a record that you adore, well, it's produced and published, and here to stay in the technically infinite library of tunes.

So these outlets, in art, sport, food (not comfort just the pleasure of cooking) self-care, reading, writing, what ever floats your boat, is crucial to the vitality and the essence of you. These building blocks keep you standing tall and strong. Like jenga bricks, if you let anything or anyone remove one of these, you'll begin to wobble and may fall apart. I have been sorry to witness, and personally endure this mess. It is as if a relationship saturates all of your energy and you have no time left for your own leisure. Unless you happen to cross someone with all the same hobbies or that person is not a dick and doesn't try to overhaul your life then you're a lucky one. Because I found the majority of people suck. Either I attract freaks (as a freak would) or I am looking in the wrong places. May be I shouldn't look at all.

Again, that is also another funny love lesson. Love will find you once you stop searching for it!
Just eat well, get enough sleep, if you have one good friend then you have all the love and riches in the world.
Blessings and sweet dreams, hoping tomorrow brings you lots of peace and light into your life.

SW

Vanishing Act

Thank God, I'm back on this fucking unbelievable blog.

I'm guessing it's just somewhere for me to publicly exercise my ego, and it works to some extent. So welcome back, anonymous reader. Even if it's just somewhere for myself to archive a fragment of thoughts from my feeble mind then so be it. Unfortunately my PC belongs in a museum. I joke about this, but it's actually getting beyond a joke now. Another thing, I am supposed to be cracking down with assignments but it's fucking hopeless. I spent the last 2 months bumming around as usual, getting up to all sorts of shit as I always do, "getting up in everyone's grill" and them in return, adding their dirt all over my own shit and it's been catastrophic. I've basically lost everything again. I had this well nice house and an alright job although it didn't account to much and that's ended pretty sourly on my end and well... I'm just fucking sick of life now. 

Every fucking time I start getting somewhere, some fucking asshole (I am growing to strongly dislike the majority of people, which is not uncommon, I am aware) will come and sap all my 'pure' energy, I get started on building connections, creating a schedule and an abundant life (I give credit to spirit) and then some total imbecile will come along and steal it all away from me. I haven't got time to go round pleasing every one else any more. Because every one I ever loved, has fucked off. The epiphany that most people are so brain dead, or on drugs, or I'm simply not getting through to them, is remarkable.

I found a light-workers website, thank goodness. Perhaps now I will be able to pursue my dreams with like minded people for a better world. There is a handful of supporters to my views about the world, and great friendships have blossomed as a result to that over the years. It's really special when you meet someone, especially 'coincidentally' and figure there's this instant warmness between the both of you, before anything has really been said. It's understanding, it's empathy and it's unity. That just about relights my faith in people all over again.

I keep trying to find my 'faith group' and after years at the Baptist Church, then to the Spiritualist church, now I find myself surrounded by undisclosed Pagans *sigh*

My handy tips to chilling out when it all gets a bit too much (not in any particular order):

1. Petting a cat or dog
2. Looking at the stars
3. Listening to music
4. Walking in the park or by a river
5. A nice warm drink
6. Talking to a trusted friend over the phone

I read a book called The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger, near the end the protagonist states, he doesn't like getting close to people, other wise you start to miss them.
I so soaked up that shit, in fact, I think that it is very honest. Another way to keep yourself company is with a fantastic book. I really need to get my teeth into another great novel as the one above. It's got to be mournful, dark and pretentious as fuck.

These sort of stories give me a strange vibration of comfort.

I've decided not to do any more vanishing acts, on the virtual world or the physical plane.

Can't be dreaming all the time, unfortunately. Shit to do.