After all this time, I'm still attracted to writing here. I don't know why its necessary, perhaps its remotely a fickle flounce to false hope. I'm the world's worst grammar Nazi, I'm a bad friend, and even more pretentious than ever. I have an alter-ego, and sometimes I have to polarize her, to tame her, to balance her out, even when I'm winning against the odds. It's only fair to remember that with power, comes responsibility, and knowledge is power; seek and ye shall find. Sometimes I wonder if I should never have gone searching in the first place.
May be I will become that work-a-holic I always envisaged myself to be, the really hard-working girl, the educated one, the one who could take care of herself and the one people admired. The one who had good advice, the one who always remembered your face and would ask you to remind her of your name, the one who would drink wine with the girls but could drink a beer with the lads too, the one who loved fashion but thrift in charity shops, the one who loved every thing from Bee-Gees to Bullet for my Valentine, the one who never gave up at the first hurdle, but tried over and over even if she got hurt in the process. The one who people remembered for being articulate and witty and always having a laugh but never offending any one in the process; forever concise and tactful.
The one who taught herself every thing, sent herself to insanity and dragged herself back out of hell, that inner torment every day and nobody could hear her cries, she muffled the sounds with a tub of ice cream and dark films. She plays her music loud, and doesn't actually give a hoot whether the neighbours are impressed or not. Her taste forever changing, like the tides of the sea, and the crescents of the moon, of course. The one who would meet people from all over the world in her home town, take risks and say dumb shit and live to tell the tale. How many times she had done that, I lose count, the painful mistakes she makes, repeat themselves like scratched vinyl, and she reminds herself daily, that this is what she wanted.
It is not clear from this moment, whether or not she was destined to be here or it is a series of choices that have landed her up here. On the contrary, I have been in worse places, therefore I am grateful for this opportunity, I will make the best of it and not squander it like every other space in time.
May be I will become that work-a-holic I always envisaged myself to be, the really hard-working girl, the educated one, the one who could take care of herself and the one people admired. The one who had good advice, the one who always remembered your face and would ask you to remind her of your name, the one who would drink wine with the girls but could drink a beer with the lads too, the one who loved fashion but thrift in charity shops, the one who loved every thing from Bee-Gees to Bullet for my Valentine, the one who never gave up at the first hurdle, but tried over and over even if she got hurt in the process. The one who people remembered for being articulate and witty and always having a laugh but never offending any one in the process; forever concise and tactful.
The one who taught herself every thing, sent herself to insanity and dragged herself back out of hell, that inner torment every day and nobody could hear her cries, she muffled the sounds with a tub of ice cream and dark films. She plays her music loud, and doesn't actually give a hoot whether the neighbours are impressed or not. Her taste forever changing, like the tides of the sea, and the crescents of the moon, of course. The one who would meet people from all over the world in her home town, take risks and say dumb shit and live to tell the tale. How many times she had done that, I lose count, the painful mistakes she makes, repeat themselves like scratched vinyl, and she reminds herself daily, that this is what she wanted.
It is not clear from this moment, whether or not she was destined to be here or it is a series of choices that have landed her up here. On the contrary, I have been in worse places, therefore I am grateful for this opportunity, I will make the best of it and not squander it like every other space in time.
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