Plan B

"Get some money, Fuck em all..." - Mac Miller

This is an extract of an unpublished preach to myself, to convince myself to leave society. 

8/09/14
Fuck Everything. College, work, family, friends, who would miss me? I wouldn't miss me.

I am brave enough now. No emotion is the final one. Money is slavery.
The world was given to us for free, why can't I experience it?
I could go around the world, beg, borrow and steal, do anything to get away.
Proper put myself in the shit, then appreciate a home.
I'm ever ready, now.

You can do it.
Leave all the material things behind. ALL of them.
I didn't ask to be brought into the world, may as well make of it as I wish.
It will be dangerous, but I crave adventure. Excitement, heart banging adrenaline. Not drugs, parties and people. All life is one. 
If I can leave, there will be no coming back.
Just leave. Forget every one. It's already fucked up.

This is my calling. I can barely feel the blood in my veins.
I wanted entertainment. Life seems to be one big online competition. One post after another, about how great every ones life is.
That's all well and good, but I never fitted any where.
All this dogma, these occults and craziness. All these people.
Just another part of my imagination. 
Shall I throw it all away? A job, a home, a degree. Am I even sane? 


I genuinely have more problems than most people I know
Perhaps that's why they speak to me. To feel better about themselves.

EDIT>30/09/2014 - Incorrect. They have their own personal battles, as do I. People need each other to vent to, and that's okay. It's called empathy.

It's not changed since I was 13. This was destined. >well, you do think everything happens for a reason.

I have everything and I am still unhappy.> it's called depression?

I am so close to running away. It's such a perplexing idea.> we all want to escape sometimes, responsibility is a hefty burden to us all. Some have children and sick loved ones to think of too, so consider yourself lucky.

No where is home any more, I lost that when I was smoking pot.> perhaps you realised, after consuming drugs, your vibration raised and suddenly there was more to life than meets the eye. Earth is home, for now. In this life. Deal with it.

No matter where I go, my personal issues torment me.> forgive yourself, and just try to move on. Besides, don't keep looking back you're not going that way.

But disappearing into the abyss of a dying planet would be better than suicide. At least then I would be living. Rather than a mere, human being.> just try and blend in a bit more and make yourself of good use to others (helping through kindness, not allowing people to take unfair advantage of you for evil desires)

I'm too old for this shit. I'm too broken to be fixed. I've had enough of it. Hurting people and being hurt. I'd rather be alone. >you've got through deliberately smashing up 3 phones before you came to this revelation...
*Seeks Help*

30/09/14 Present Moment
Hopefully, as each day brings new challenges, I will become wiser, simply by making better decisions and rationalisations.

I agree that all of the above is ridiculous. I'll leave it here to shame myself as a reminder to grow the fuck up. In retrospect, I sound like an idiot, but the fantasy is genuine.