The Voices

It's sort of like having an occasional voice-over to your life. Except it's not cool and collected sounding like Morgan Freeman. Imagine, a wise man and malicious critic, conferring between your ears, day after day.

How am I sure that I am even alive? After all, the voices could be mere projections of my desperation to recreate something that imitates what life should have been.

What with a booming online world, from gaming, to dating to seeking employment, there really isn't any thing which is not covered by the internet. Therefore, our reality has evolved onto the monitor you are reading this from. This is perhaps the truth that we have been all searching for in our daily lives. You cannot escape it. It is all around you.

Take a few days off and you will quickly become absorbed by the 'real' world around you. Today, I felt at one with everything around me, and it was quite pleasant and comforting. This time around, I did not feel the usual paranoia that I experience around the city centre. Today, I felt normal.

Starting my new job tomorrow, so hopefully I won't let the voices I believe to hear fuck up my motivation and confidence. I sometimes think that the voices I hear are actually the thoughts of people around me, I am like a transmitter, "receiving" their data from their brains on a sort of radio-wave. Sometimes I think I am psychic. Sometimes I think I am fooling myself. In hindsight, I am just like any body else. I am not special.

It could be my conscience, or a battle between my heart and my head, especially when it comes to decision making. I postulate that the voices I hear are in fact, the voices of the spirit. The spirit is, inside all of us and conjoins each of us (in a totally difficult way to express in little words, damn)

I have been trying to seek, like minded individuals, and thus far have probably found a few, if at all. It's like angels have been sent to visit me to relight my faith in all this, freak show planet earth. From time to time, the visitors are kind, or show me lessons in love, or tell me information about the wider world outside of my protective bubble. I am just inhabiting a human body, a lost soul, searching for the right answers. But how can I know if some one is wrong? Who am I to tell them their perspective is incorrect? I have only ever seen through my own eyes. My own experiences cannot account for other's too. Oh how I wish I knew everything, then again, what ever I do say could be taken as indoctrinating, so better keep my opinions to myself, huh.

My psych told me to write about the voices, but really there's not a lot I can do about them. I mostly just listen to music to muffle them out. As much as possible. Though it does piss me off how when I'm trying to enjoy something like reading, or writing, or listen to someone speaking, hell even when I'm at work and focusing on a task, I'd like to think they'll leave me alone whilst I'm attempting to be productive...

God and Science do co-exist, they're just considered opposing because they are alternate ways of explaining the same scenario. Neither is wrong. It's all about how your mind works with interpretation.

Hopefully I won't hear The Voices as much any more as I continue to fade through life like everyone else. I didn't ask for this sort of abuse. The indomitable spirit truly masters life in mysterious ways, no cliché intended.