Day 2

 I didn't get to sleep until the early hours of the morning, waking up after lunch time with the remnants of a dream lingering in my immediate memory. I'm wearing adhesive nails which I remain ambivalent about, fashion wise. Been living on avocados, pot noodles and yoghurt since 2 weeks ago, my jaw was broken in a violent assault whereby my face was stamped on at the back of a Tesco. My social worker appeared today to tell me of an opportunity to leave Nottingham for a residential care home in East Yorkshire. I suppose moving out of here would mark the end of an era. The lifestyle I have been following would no longer be sustainable in a remote place like that, therefore forcing me to develop a new mindset. Nicotine cravings have subsided yet my appetite has returned with a vengence, I feel untethered. It is still hard to get my thoughts tangible. Probation and my substance misuse counsellor are visiting me next week.  

★ I would like to create a time-lapse of my face from my 30th to my 40th birthday.

Day 1

 Sunday, was the worst day of my life. Not for any reason in particular, just I ran out of tobacco, have no money or access to emergency funds, therefore craving cigarettes and enduring all the emotional turmoil of a psychological disorder simultaneously with cravings. I'm watching Libra astrological predictions for the following month on Youtube, since they comfort me whilst my own perspective and faith are fragile and nihilistic. It is now Tuesday and I spent the best of yesterday (Monday) in total hibernation (sleeping for nearly a whole 24 hours straight) I feel that this is depression upon the shock of realising what I have lost. I stabbed the concrete wall several times with a large pair of scissors in frustration as I felt like physically harming, although I would never allow myself do this to me or another person. 

I was offered a place at a university. I can't go because I've exhausted my financial options, in the meantime. I will do everything in my power to attain justice in my life, from now on.