Sunday 18 January 2015

Is there anyone out there?

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I happened to ingest too much fluoride tonight.

I am really struggling to communicate right now, because I know I might be in a lot of trouble.
I can't eat or sleep again, just like before Christmas, because I didn't trust my instincts, or my own capabilities. I am actually frightened that God will with hold the gifts I had in my life; my loved ones.

Music, religion and the weather pretty much sum me up. It was a beautiful day, and I am truly blessed to have felt and enjoyed true love. I don't care if I don't make it as a huge star in this world. The people around me shine brightly like candles in the night. I am remaining hopeful, if I can help my self then may be I can continue to help others on their journey again aswell, I need to stop being selfish and learn from my mistakes.

I feel about 14 again. I said I wanted to go back to when I was happy, but every thing made more sense only a few hours ago, and I couldn't cope with the emotions and once again I have numbed myself with drugs. This is the last thing I wanted to happen. I have fucked up so badly and I am terrified there is no way back.

There are billions of people in the world and I had been considering them and what I can do to help the planet. I still have my inner child ruling like in Disney World and every thing appears to be normal but I am fully aware of the situations around me. Now I am sober, it is as if I had never smoke weed, which I am terribly regretting and I never want to forget the way I can think. So deep and meaningful, losing the sense of myself again and discovering other people's paths and ways of life.

I know there's life out there, I know there is hope, I know there is other intelligent life, and all I had hoped for was to teach, learn, respect, encourage, dream up some amazing ideas and execute them into action into our amazing world. It is the sad truth that our home is run by money playing as God, as in bribery and in all trade. A human life is priceless, you cannot measure the value of a soul. They have no choice where they are born?

It is important to make concious decisions about every thing we do. I irrationally OD'ed on fluoride toothpaste tonight, now as I say to myself, it's back to the drawing board.

Einstein said, it is survival of the fittest, most intelligent and most adaptable to change.
I have probably said it here before on my blog.

If I had had more faith and trust in my heart I wouldn't be in this fucked up situation.
I don't know if I should have relied on the state like some people I know, or had more empathy, I think the latter sounds better.

I keep travelling backwards and forwards through a time dimension, I want to grow up and follow the right path. I need to make my own decisions and pray that these actions after effects have the positivity flow in good directions. The pain of this drug is that it has caused me to go back wards instead of forwards.

As much as I respect my parents I do not want to end up like them, therefore I need to pay attention to the spirit guides and aid my self in as many ways as possible with out hurting or using any one to get where I want.

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